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Kitchener, Ontario, Canada
welcome to my corner of the web where i am happy to share my memories, interests & ideas, music and everyday thoughts about whatever comes into my life... While you're at this website All music, concepts, ideas & "dextrosoundlab" images (C)dextrosoundlab2010/socan/ALL RIGHTS RESERVED


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Tuesday, February 16, 2010

I don't know....


I don't know what I am doing half the time. The other half I am going on instinct, and thankfully my instincts don't completely ruin my life.
I woke up today at 1:30am, silently got ready for work, and was even downstairs 5 minutes early, sipping my coffee and smoking a cigarette..waiting for my friend to pull up across the street and take us to work.
I've followed this routine for 5 years and six months nearly to day. Monday to Friday. But today I barely spoke during the work shift, and didn't get annoyed in any obvious way when people of authority made certain demands that, like always were a waste of time and extra work for me. I just nodded, and did whatever.

My love life is non-existent and today i acted on the advice of the little voice in my head and I am pretty sure It was the right thing to do, but what if It WASN'T???? I don't even want to think about that!!
anyways moving along, my best guy friends live thousands of miles away, and by my age a person has learned that friends like that cannot be replaced, ever...so how can I make it work? What do I need to do? I feel like my brain is swelling slowly but consistently pulsing outwards, my temples bulge with anxious tension.
I am imprisoned by my job, reliant on my benefit plan for reasons that are too personal to talk about here and the easy money that keeps me very well above poverty line and leaves me with entire days and early evenings free....but what do I do? I sit here and mess around with blogs for hours, the only productive thing is that i practice electric guitar alot, more than ever, and this gives me something more to do and I keep busy by myself.
Some days are this way, and some years pass by quickly...the past two years have disappeared under the waves, washed away to the back of my mind, a distant memory that seems like a dream.
My head hurts, and I think I better stop starring at the screen.

In parting I'll say: may all your days be prosperous and all your wishes come true!
peace brothers & sisters,
adios bendeco's
I am out.
ttyl.

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