no more holidays

....there is no graphic image to represent how the idea of 'no more holidays' makes me feel right now.
i would really like to take a year off work, a year to let the murky water that is my brain, settle, and maybe i could see clearly for at least a moment, and redirect my energy, so at least i could feel something other than 'blah' about my life.
i really don't understand what other people do that is so different than me.
i don't abuse my body with drugs and alcohol, i don't eat bad food....i exercise...but still i can count on one hand the number of times i have actually felt happy, and/or content about myself....
....Before i moved out of the building at 12 king street in waterloo, i could escape with the help of my music machines.....but now in the one bedroom apartment, i have to compromise and only set up some of the machines at one time, and even still, when things are set up and powered up, i don't have enough room to actually leave things like that....so it's a constant pain in my ass....i spend more time setting things up and tearing them down, then actually capturing musical ideas....

THEN, by the time i am in a groove and i lose myself in what i am doing, i look up and it's after 6pm, and i have to think about sleep...because my shit job has me waking up at 2:30AM, and i am at work and punched in by 3:30am.
FML.....
I have been learning the text message shortforms, and FML is my favorite.....if i could get a customized license plate for my bicycle i would like to have 'FML X23'
and that's all i have to say today.